Tom Brady in Spectacled Cormorant Fighting Racket

Police have undercovered a giant Spectacled Cormorant colloseum underneath Tom Brady’s house, days before he is scheduled to lead the Patriots into the history books.

Authorities say the venue was used weekly to hold bloody  cormorant death tournaments.  The birds would be given an option of weapons, ranging from brass knuckles to Molotov Cocktails, and the birds would fight to the bitter end.

This is especially troubling because scientists have believed  the spectacled cormorant to have been extinct since the 19th century.

Brady will probably charged with animal cruelty charges, but also honored for re-discovering an extinct species.